**********************

Life iz a game. With many playerz of all kindz.. There are timez where yuu believe every one of us iz a winner, and timez where yuu feel like losing iz the only hope.. Love and respect the other participantz around yuu, but learn to stop trusting them. They will cheat through life just to make it to the finish line before yuu even get a chance to make yur first move. Throughout the game, there are many wrong movez made, along with innocent actionz that are either denied or misunderstood.. With experience, it helpz yuu learn from theze mistakez. Think of them az lessonz.. Lessonz learned in time.. Eventually, yuu are leaded through the right path towardz the end of this complicated begining. The finish line iz partly all yuu've really got from here on.. But until then, live life to itz fullest.. Regardless and unafraid of the chalengez it putz yuu through.. Becauze in the end, all yuu've got iz yuu.

No life without you

You're much more than my prince, and all i've ever wanted was to be your princess. It seems the hall wayz are the only thing keeping us close. You're too good to be true. Somehow I can't get you out of my head. Your all I think about. All I worry about. All I really focus on. You're the only thing that actually makes me feel good about myself. Like, maybe therereally is a reason for my life. Sometimes I regret choosing to stay, but looking at you, I know I made the right choice. Life without you is no life at all. Crying for anything but you wouldn't feel like a real or worthful tear. I can't say I love you, but i'll admit i'm falling deep in that whole you dug up. You've become more like a need than a want. I've fallen before. For someone who doesn't even know I exist. But this time. Maybe just this one time. I have a chance. I slight chance that i'm not sure yet is worth taking. In a way, you're a waste of time. A waste of breath. A waste of finger stength writing this thing. Nothing but a waste, considering the fact that you don't even see me. But in the end, I'm willing to waste my wole life for you. Because therez nothing that makes me more happy than seeing you smile.

You never know what you've got til itz gone.

I met a guy today. He was quite attractive. We were having a blast with our own little gang, until, we noticed that hiz eyez looked all puffed up and swollen... I found out that hiz father past away just a few weekz ago. But az people asked what the delay waz, he'd just simply smile and say nothing. No one really saw or realized the pain hiding behind hiz mask. You can tell by the redness and swelling over hiz eyelidz that he'z been crying... But all the other gurlz insist that guyz aren't supposed to cry thinking it waz nothing more than an alergy or some kinda irritation. Stupid bitchez have no feelingz at all. I told them how hard it must be to lose someone so close to you. Who watched you grow. How fkn unfair it iz when such an important part of both your heart and soul just fadez away. They don't know one bit of how it feelz. When daddyz not there to hold you anymore. Or how hard it iz not being able to watch dad come home from work just so you can tell him how much you missed him....
Az they grow older and smarter, hopefully, they'll finally realize what they've never really understood before... That trying to get over some guy, isn't intirely az hard az getting over the loss of your father.

R.I.P. xxx

Jake...

I would never regret you...

Look at me, and try to understand me...

Stopped eating, ran away from home, got a beating along with a permenent scar, came closer than an inch to killing myself today, all for this one very special guy. And you know what, he doesn't even care. He talkz about pain and people who actually feel something. But why can't he understand mine?

Now most of my life is being waisted because I not only live for you, ya you. but spend 24 hourz a day and 7 dayz a week trying to get you out of my head.

No second chance for me this time. And i'm definitly not giving reality one.

Note to self

You fkn failure. Next time you think twice before you eat anything at all. Itz already enough that you ate a whole super 2 dayz ago. Remember, itz all for him.

I want him closer-

Trying to get over him has been way to confusing. But watching him sing my life onstage tonight made me realize how much I really do need him. Just seeing him up there, strumming my pain with his fingers, made all the pain go away. I couldn't help but to cry while watching him sing my song. When I looked at him tonight, everything fell right into place. At that moment, life actually started making sense to me. I live in confusion without him. But when I looked at him, as he looked back, I finally felt like, well, maybe he does see me. All the pressure. All the pressure everyone pushes against me. Itz tight. At a point where I can't move. And it startz to get painful. Hez alwayz understood. Understood my pain. The only one who ever will understand it.

What i'm trying to say is, his thoughtz, hiz wordz, and hiz understanding changed my life. It saved me. Yet he probably doesn't even realize it.

Someonez Watching Over Me

Tonight I cry for you. Like i've never cried for anyone before. Unfortunatly itz no phase this time. But therez an angel. My gardien angel. Hez alwayz there. Watching. Az he suroundz me with hiz cold but warming armz. I'm now sitting here in the dark. Regardless. Of everything around me. But hez still there. Hez watching. Watching over me. I'm not alone, though I thought I was. He is and alwayz has been here. He whipez that filthy tear off my face, az I slit my wrist and feel no pain. I'm broken, and therez no fixing me. But hez broken too. Hiz lipz tell hiz complete story. My tearz tell mine. I need you, and still feel you. Still feel your breath. Rushing down my neck. You don't know. You never will. What itz like to cry. To hurt. To actually feel anything at all. But once again, itz too late. I'm caught. In your fkn trap. When you fall, I fall. When you scream, I scream with you. When you die, I'm already dead. And now i'm nothing but a torn up piece of paper. So black my eyez and put me to sleep. Itz what you do. But he won't let you. Because he makez me stronger and more powerful than you'll ever be. Hez alwayz standing beside me. I can't see him, but I can definitly feel him. Like a wiff of warm wind. He helpz me realize i'm not alone. Hez my Inner Strength.